Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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