just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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