i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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