ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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