I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there's paper in my vomit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
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