My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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