I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it was like eating out sand paper
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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