he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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