you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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