I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize