Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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