Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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