If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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