nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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