What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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