Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize