He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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