Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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