whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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