I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize