So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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