oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize