good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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