Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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