nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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