Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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