even my farts smell like vagina
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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