I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize