is your mom at the bar?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize