you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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