would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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