Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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