Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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