i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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