Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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