OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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