Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize