I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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