I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize