I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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