Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize