i jhust puked up my retainher.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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