hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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