In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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