Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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