high people should be assigned attendants
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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