i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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