I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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