Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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