im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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